afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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