was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
