there was a trapeze. enough said
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize