There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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