cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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