I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
