And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
