I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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