Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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