I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
