I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize