$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
