This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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