eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
