so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
