you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
