ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
