Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
