i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
