if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize