One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
