I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize