this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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