We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
