): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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