I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
