He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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