gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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