Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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