Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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