I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's official drugs can't kill me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
