so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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