Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
