I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
