Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
