was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
