yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
