He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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