Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
