hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
