Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
