I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
