she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
