im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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