she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
