I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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