He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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