with your own penis?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Fuck appropriateness.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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