At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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