he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
