Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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