If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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