your parents love me but you hate me
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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