I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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