Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize