I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
