Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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