haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
