can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
