just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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