She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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