dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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