Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
this is an emotional support booty call
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
