I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
