hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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