You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
