i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
love makes seman taste better
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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