Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
