So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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