Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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