And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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