I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
