is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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