I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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