ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
