Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
