I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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