I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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