When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
