There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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