The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
