Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
