two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
