Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
