Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
