it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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