I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
