the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Couch. On fire.
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