So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
