nut hugger
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
