Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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