now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
