My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
