you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize