i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize