# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
