I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He did a backflip because drugs
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
