Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
