My sheets look like a crime scene.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
