were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
