having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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