i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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