I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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