this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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