He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she woke up with a sticky ear
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
