Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
